Christian Carter's Question May Really Piss You Off

Dating advice and relationship questions are why I am here – I have studied the works of Christian Carter, Rori Raye, Emily McKay and many others in order to help YOU figure out your relationship and dating problems. I firmly believe, though, that EVERYONE can benefit from another’s problems – and the answers to those problems.

I would like to share with you this letter I got from a very troubled young lady. This is what she wrote to me:

Dear Sarah -

I am dating a guy who isn’t perfect and I accept him that way but he like points out every imperfections of mine always. I know I really love him and very happy in his company, and each time I try to get to know him better he just lies to me. I am 22 and I really don’t know how old he is BECAUSE he has told me 3 different ages like 26,23,and 25 I mean I tell him all about me we are so close yet apart because I don’t know his family or background he has refused to tell his people about me let alone introduce us. When I told him I was going to tell my parents about him he got hysterical and said I should wait for about 3 years more before I do. At first we talked about marriage and all when we first met. But now it seems everything I do pisses him off, and sometimes he gets abusive. He complains about the way I do things, blames me for anything that goes wrong even if am I and he is sure he had a hand in it I find this hard to understand he is so difficult and now he has made me come to think I am really at fault at least when we talk, he just wouldn’t admit to it. he speaks angrily to me, he had my pictures on his pc before he went to see his family but deleted it all when he got there, speaks hurtful words to me we can’t talk things out without him getting aggressive when I try to tell him he is hurting my feelings, doesn’t care how I feel, stops me talking to any male because he has trust issues. I don’t know if it’s because I live with him or I see him every minute or because he knows I love him so much and he is taking me for granted. I don’t know what to do I feel sad and have sleepless nights I think I need quick help before I go crazy just thinking. well at first I thought I was being too curious or clingy but now I don’t ask him questions what so ever and it’s still the same and even worse what do you think I should do he has asked for break up a couple of times but stops after some talks and reassurances from me.

Troubled –
Miss D

This is my answer to this young lady.

Dear Miss D –

I have read your letter over several times now, and I would like to read it BACK to you, in sort of a short-hand form. Sometimes, situations are not clear to us, as we are in the middle of them, kind of like the old saying “You cannot see the forest for the trees”. Or – as Dr. Phil and Christan Carter have been known to say, “How’s that workin’ out for ya?”

Ok, so your boyfriend is….
-A liar (he won’t tell you his real age, his family, his background, his friends, etc)
-Abusive (physical, emotional, verbal, it does not matter. Abuse is abuse.)
-Blaming (i.e. – too immature to take his own part in fault that may be his, too egotistical to admit wrongdoing, judgmental and narrow-minded?)
-Has tried to break up with you already

Ok – honey. I know you say you love this guy – BUT WHY? I see no mention of redeeming qualities here, which says to me that this is just base attraction – not real love. In other words, according to Christian Carter, its infatuation, not love. Attraction can come on many levels, and while Christian Carter says that attraction is not a choice – and I believe he is 100% right – you DO have the choice as t what you do with that.

Let me tell you in no uncertain terms – WALK AWAY NOW. Leave this BOY that you are trailing after like a lost puppy and find yourself a competent, responsible MAN who will treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve. (In fact, go read Christian Carter’s Catch Him and Keep him eBook, page 55, about the dangers of chemistry. )

Now – let me ask you the toughest question of them all. this question, inspired by Christian Carter's eBook, may really piss you off, but keep reading.

Is it the drama you like?

There had to be some kind of alarm bells going off in your head as you were writing that letter to me. Everything you listed about this BOY is bad – so it begs the question – is it the drama that you like about him? Do you like having trouble in your life? Does it excite you? You may think these are mean questions – and I do not intend them to be. What I DO intend, tough, is for you to take a very close look at WHY you are with this child – because that is what he is. If it’s the “Bad Boy” charisma, as Christian carter calls it, that you like, then you need to learn the difference between a real man and a boy who is pretending to be a man.

A real man can be dashing, take charge, powerful and charismatic. But what he will NOT do is lie to you, hide you, push you away and blame you for the wrongs in his life. A REAL man will bring you to his side as a partner and confidant; he will uplift you, help you, laugh with you, hear your fears and your triumphs, and generally be your PARTNER in life. He WILL excite you and make you feel that rush you may be craving from your bad boy, but he will NOT leave you feeling empty, used and bewildered.

Do you see what I am saying?

Now, one final thought to leave you with – and it is taken from Christian Carter’s Catch Him and Keep Him eBook on page 149. “No single person can ever give you exactly what you want emotionally.”

ONLY YOU can do this for yourself. So maybe it’s time you started questing inward for the love you need before you try to find that “wholeness” from another source that leaves you less than fulfilled.

Christian Carter's Tips for Natural and Lasting Attraction

I was watching Christian Carter’s program, natural and Lasting Attraction, when I realized that at some point in every woman’s life, there comes a time when she experiences this -you are involved with a wonderful guy – your relationship is smooth and seems to be flowing naturally. You really think that he may be the one! Then he gradually begins to withdraw, maybe not texting as often or calling when he gets home from work, or starting to hang out with the guys more and more.

Soon enough, you start feeling anxious and nervous, maybe a little clingy and needy, according to Christian Carter. Maybe he calls you and he wants to “have a chat”. He breaks up with you – or maybe says he needs some time away, maybe using the “it’s not you, it’s me” line, or “I’m not ready for a relationship” - whatever excuse he dreams up, and you are left wondering where you went wrong. I’m betting that you tried many different things to get him to stay, too. In Christian Carter’s estimation, they might have gone something like this:

You might have gotten totally ticked – and gave him an ultimatum or tried to guilt trip him into staying in your relationship – believing 100% in your heart of hearts that he would be happy as soon as he let himself get settled into your relationship. Christian Carter believes this is one of the first things that women do when they feel threatened in their love life.

Or, maybe you got jealous. Perhaps you went out on a date just to spite him. Maybe you try to ignore him and see if you can show him how much it hurts when the shoe is on the other foot. Or maybe you just said you had a date lined up in hopes that it would get back to him and he would realize that he loved you indeed and no other man could have you.

Or, Christian Carter says, you might have tried to be his “best buddy”, being all chummy and happy, trying to get him to see you as one of the guys, with benefits. Or perhaps you were trying to demonstrate your worth by being helpful and doing all kinds of little things for him. You probably did this because you were hoping that he could understand that you could be a better friend to him than his guy-friends and were therefore worth hanging on to.

Or you could do what I did and go about torturing yourself and acting like having a casual relationship is a-ok with you! THAT is fun – because you cannot let him see that he is ripping out your soul every time he walks out the door, or acts distant or remote. Then you get to sit at home and seethe, and become more angry, ore jealous, more demanding…and the list goes on.

Christian Carter says it’s a vicious cycle, and he is 100% right. And I am going to go out on a limb and say that none of these methods worked for you, (or me!) even though they make perfect sense to us as women. That is the unbelievable thing, to me, now that I have learned a lot about relationships and read a LOT of dating advice. Christian Carter believes that women MEAN WELL when they react to situations like this in a relationship – and I agree completely. I know I did. I thought that by showing my man my feelings of hurt, frustration and bewilderment, that he would see into me and UNDERSTAND where I was coming from. The problem is, that is not how MEN think, and so all we are doing is pushing the buttons that drive them away even more, leading to MORE distance, just the opposite effect of what we were looking for.

I personally think Christian Carter and his Natural and Lasting Attraction philosophy rock, so I turned to him in order to learn how to promote attraction and continuity within my next relationship. What Christian Carter says is that in order to promote Natural and Lasting Attraction you need to start by fixing some things within your own head first.

That makes total sense to me, as I know that in order to really change anything in your life, you first have to change inside yourself. I wish I could say there was a magic phrase that would turn your relationship around in an instant, but there is not – like most things that are genuine and truly works, it takes learning and commitment. There are ways to promote Natural and Lasting Attraction so that your failing relationship becomes healthy, steady and FULL of deep, blossoming love between you and your man. What you need to do to make this kind of attraction a reality in your relationship is to START doing what it is that makes a man FEEL ATTRACTED and MORE INTERESTED in you.

Using Christian Carter’s values, you can easily understand what creates natural and lasting attraction, and what maintains it in viable, steady relationships, and bring that into your OWN relationship. What I mean is that the biggest roadblock most ladies face when it comes to getting through to guys and getting past the stereotypes and on into a true-blue relationship with a worthwhile man is not having the ability to see past their OWN mindset. Overcome that using the tools that Christian Carter gives you and….viola!

Here are a few quick tips that you can use starting today to make your relationship more fun, vibrant and healthy.

The first tip from Christian Carter is to always remember that actions speak louder than words. If you are telling him nothing is wrong, and it is obvious that something is – he will (more than likely) know it. And if he does, and you are lying to him – that is not going to promote honesty and emotional connection. So be aware of what you are telling him with your body, your tone of voice, your eyes, everything.

Next, Christian Carter says to be sure to act in a mature and calm manner. Don’t fly off the handle, shrieking and screaming when you get mad. Don’t text him and say horrible things and then try to take it back later. Remain calm, emotionally mature and cool when you are dealing with him. Christian Carter says that men love COOL girls, and its true – they want to be around someone who they can trust to react a certain way in a situation, and that means being calm, cool and collected.

Another rule Christian Carter gives his readers is to quit obsessing about everything he does. When you try, like I said in my last post, to OVERTHINK your intuition, that is when you get into trouble with anxiety and neediness. If you start scrutinizing everything he does, says and doesn’t say, he is going to begin to feel like an alien species under the microscope, and he will leave. So relax – and remember the things you can and cannot change. The only thing you can change is …..what? That’s right! YOURSELF. (Come on, work with me here!)

So these are just a few of the most basic tips about natural and lasting attraction that Christian Carter shares with his readers and watchers. For more information, please check out Christian Carter’s programs or my website.

Christian Carter Talks About Women's Intuition - and What Kills It

According to Christian Carter, many women spend their time obsessing over their relationships – worrying whether or not their man is withdrawing, trying to read between the lines with every little things he says, trying to interpret his movements and his body language to see if something is “wrong”.

Instead of being helpful, many times this leads to undue stress, needy and clingy behavior, suspicion and feelings of paranoia for the man. According to Christian Carter, when a man starts noticing these needy behaviors, it DOES make him withdraw – so by trying to “figure a man out”, oftentimes women end up being the catalyst that drives him away. It’s a heartbreaking paradox, yet it is repeated over and over again.

Christian Carter – even though he is a man – has noticed something, though, about women’s intuition. If a woman is to sit back and let her TRUE intuition – the subconscious “feelers” that women can extend out and take the true measure of a situation with – many times this is much more effective than trying to reproduce your intuition with conscious interpretation.

So – Christian Carter has developed several steps that women can take in order to allow their true intuition to shine through, while leaving the negativity and forced interpretation behind.

The first step Christian Carter outlines in his plan is to begin thinking POSITIVELY – quit filling your mind with negative emotions such as fear, doubt and suspicion. Stop the obsessive, merry-go-round thoughts about what is wrong. When you think negatively, you invite negativity into your life, you invite problems and negative situations. Instead – interrupt that voice in your head and tell it to go take a long walk off a short peer.

Christian Carter maintains that if you are feeling acutely anxious about something – it is NOT your intuition telling you something. Think about it – the voice of your intuition is a soft whisper in your ear – not a screaming shrew.

When you begin feeling that anxiety – it shows. It shows in your life, your relationship, your communication, and sooner or later – as dense as men can be – he is GOING to notice. Then he gets freaked out. And when a man is freaking out, he bails.

The next bit of advice Christian Carter offers is to STOP trying to make sense out of your man. Do you think he understands you and what makes you tick? Really and truly? More than likely – not so much. So don’t think that YOU understand everything about him either.

Instead – focus on YOURSELF. The only person that you have control over is YOURSELF. The only person you can fix is you. So concentrate on you, and becoming the best person that you can be by becoming mature and maintaining emotional maturity, learning to understand your own reactions and emotions, developing your own interests and being your own person.

The third piece of advice that Christian Carter offers his readers is to simply quit trying to figure everything out. Understand that you do not – nor will you ever – understand everything. Its kind of like the law of attraction – open yourself up to your own fallibility, your own experience as well as the experience of the world around you and LEARN by realizing that you do not know, see, hear, experience or understand everything. Even a tenth of everything. There are forces at work in this world beyond your control, so accept it, learn to live with the surprises, embrace the spontaneity of life itself, and keep on trucking.