I know that I have touched on Women's Intuition previously in my blog, and Christian Carter writes a lot about a woman's ability to intuit meaning and purpose in certain situations very accurately and concisely. However, I cannot stress enough that most women, if they look deep inside them, already know the answer to most of the questions they ask. This reader and her situation is a perfect example. She has written in, asking for my relationship advice, but if you read her question, you will see that SHE ALREADY KNOWS the answer - this guy is BAD NEWS. She would not be describing the things she is or talking about the nuances if she did not already have a feeling that something was NOT RIGHT.
So what is my point? EMPOWERMENT, ladies. We are all wonderful, intelligent, sensual and worthwhile creatures, and we DO NOT NEED validation from men or anyone else to be the kind of person that draws and deserves love and affection. As Christian Carter encourages women to do, HEED your own inner voice and go with it - and you will be happier for doing so.
Read on....
Hi Sarah -
I met this man in a club while waiting for friends to arrive. I went up to him and his friend and introduced myself and started talking. I immediately recognized them as military and thanked them for their service to our country. My clothing-I had on all black, a skirt, high heels, a closed top (no cleavage showing) and a jacket on top of that-was conservative. I stated that I was waiting for friends and we all made small talk. As I talked to both of them (I will refer to them as guy A and guy B), guy B acted like he didn't want to talk to me much, so I ignored him and spent more time talking to guy A. A short while later, my friends sent me a text message stating their change of plans. I showed both guy A and B the message. That meant I would be there alone. I stood alone for a very short time then continued to talk to both guys. I felt they accepted me in their "group" and we started having a great time and dancing while standing at the bar.
Guy A started text messaging his girlfriend and I gave him advice. Guy B overheard this. I suggested that both guy A and B talk to girls I thought would be good for them. Guy B then started giving me compliments about my looks after I mentioned my age. He thought I was much younger than I was. He continued, and I responded with a lot of praise and adoration for his comments. I told guy B I was going to look around upstairs and would return. I did, but before I could return, guy B met me on the stairs asking where I was going. I said I was returning. He stated that he thought I wasn't and I said I would prove it by going back with him, which I did. Guy B wouldn't leave my side for some reason. A short while later, I told both guys I was going home. Guy B said he would like the opportunity to take me out and asked for my telephone number. I gave him my card. I walked out, got in my car, not far from the club. Because I sat for a few moments changing my high heels, guy A & B left the club and came my way. I said hi to them, they reciprocated and began talking to me. I gave them a ride to their car and guy B gave me his number and said he would call. I did not initiate any further contact with guy A, nor did he. It was clear that guy B was "interested" in me only.
Guy B
In the beginning, I did not contact guy B in any way. Guy B called me four days later, while he was driving a long distance. We talked for almost an hour and enjoyed it. He called every couple of days but never asked me out. I didn't ask him out, I just enjoyed our conversations. During a routine conversation, guy B made a comment that if a person wanted to go out with someone, they would act on it immediately. So I asked him, when was he going to do that with me. He said, he didn't know where to take me in the city I lived in and when he takes someone out, he wants the location to be a reflection of him. So, he would have to step up his game and find someplace soon. I didn't respond. After that, we talked on the phone almost every day. He even went out of town and called me from across the country. When he returned, he finally asked me out, we went on a week night and had a great time. After we left each other, I sent guy B a text message thanking and telling him how much fun I had. He replied immediately saying he was glad I enjoyed it as much as he did. Right after that, guy B stopped calling and "texting." Nothing. I felt dumped. So I texted him two days later saying hi. He responded a day later saying he was asleep but good. Then, nothing, no contact between us for a week, it killed me because I was starting to really like him. He then called and I said-did you call to ask me to lunch? He said yes, and we went. We had a good time. While at lunch, I asked him his last name because I didn't remember it. He wouldn't tell me. He stated that he already told me and wouldn't repeat it. I reminded him that he knew my last name. So he confirmed his last name as what I thought I heard. He brought me back to my house and hung around so much that I invited him in. I took a pic of him before we went in, however, he wouldn't take off his sunglasses. I was a little embarrassed because of the small size of my apt. and think I acted too emotional.
He left, we exchanged texts' then nothing until he sent me texts' that next week. During the down time, I didn't contact him in any way. His text asked me a personal question. I answered it then asked him a question. We went back and forth. He said he had a job for me, to "share smiles, cries and intimate moments". I kept it light by saying does the job include holidays, wknds, salary, etc. His response was it does and more to be determined. He then asked me what I was looking for. I made a joke, kept it light and funny, then I told him two times. He said it sounded platonic. I said it was not, I then went on to say it was hard to convey voice tones in a text message. I re-wrote it again, telling him that I wanted a relationship, then something more serious, if/when we both decided. He response-"they are some hefty demands-what are you bringing to the table?" I kept it light, and made a joke. I then said they were not demands, I was just answering his questions. I asked him if we could talk over the phone, he said it would be hard to talk by phone while he was working this particular job. So I texted a question-was he married, living with someone, or in a relationship? He said no. I asked a question about his job, he didn't respond. (4) four days later with a response to a different text message about a sport, he answered my question. When I read it, it felt like he was rushing past me and didn't want to address anything serious. So I didn't respond.
What do you think is going on? Is he interested in me? Does he only want to chase. Is he married? My friends say he is not interested in me. What should I do if I want to get him? I found out, by being a detective, that he gave me an incorrect last name. What do I do now?
Thanks so much Sarah.
*S*
Hey *S* -
Thanks for sending in so much detail with your relationship question. It really makes it easier to answer a question from someone you have never met when you know as much as possible about the situation.
So, on to your question. My gut reaction to this is that he is just playing games with you. If he were truly interested in you, he would not be displaying some of the characteristics he is. However, we also need to touch on your own trust in YOURSELF, and as Christan Carter says, trusting in your OWN intuition!
First of all, the last name - that really bothers me. Why would someone hide their last name or give you a false name if they wanted to get into a deep and meaningful relationship with you? This really raises my alarm bells and makes it sound to me like he is hiding something.
The fact, too, that he would not take off his sunglasses for a picture raised some flags for me as well - and honestly, if you look at your own female intuition, it must have raised flags for you as well, otherwise that would not be something you would mention in your email. It sounds to me like he does not want any "proof" that he was there - like if you showed someone the picture of him, he could possibly deny that it was actually him.
His inability or unwillingness to answer your questions about relationships, or his defensiveness when it comes to your honesty about what you are looking for is also not a good sign.
But, *S*, I think you really know all this. One of the things I see with women on a very frequent basis is the inability to trust your own intuition and the things that you probably know already in your gut. Don't feel bad - this is SO common. But I see this in you and in the things you wrote - it is almost as if what you needed from me was confirmation to be suspicious about this guy's behavior.
So what I would like to challenge YOU to do is to begin to learn how to trust the things that you perceive. Perception is many things - visual cues, body language, spoken cues, observations and many times, intuition and instinct. Women need to learn, especially, to trust their intuition when it comes to relationship and men, and not to turn those "truth seekers" off by trying to read into actions and words - actions and words can be deliberately misleading, while intuition and your senses as a woman are generally right on.
Love,
Sarah
Saturday, November 21, 2009
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