Thursday, October 8, 2009

Christian Carter - Inside the Mind of a Man - What to Do When He Just Wants Sex

As a woman, Christian Carter says, it is completely normal to want to get inside the mind of a man, to delve into his heart, his emotions, his brain – to figure out the how and why of everything he does, says and desires.

Unfortunately, without the right tools and the right perspective, many women believe they are doing this and doing it well – only to come to find out that they were completely wrong in their projections about their man’s behavior. On the other hand – a woman may never find out if she is wrong or right – she may simply be left behind, abandoned and questioning her intuition, assumptions and most of all, her love.

Delving inside the mind of a man looks to be a daunting task, after all, what can be more different than a woman – aside from a man?

Before we answer that question, I want to share with you a question from a reader that I got a few days ago. I have been thinking about her question for a while now and how to best answer it. She writes:

Sarah I’d like to ask you a question. I feel completely stuck in a situation and have no idea how to let go because I have become deeply emotionally attached to a man and my feelings towards him are incredibly strong. Because of the nature of the situation it wouldn’t help to tell him how I feel. I'd known him for some time; he recently got a divorce from a 16 yr marriage. There was infidelity from the other side. He was doing some work on my house in February this year and unexpectedly made a move on me. I responded. I was just taken by him after that and assumed that he wanted a relationship with me. I really didn’t figure out straight away that he wanted something purely sexual. I like him and I’m attached so I want more with him. Looking back I remember him casually throwing out ''you and me wouldn’t work we got different tastes in music, you've got old decor style''. I didn’t understand what he meant by that at the time because he doesn’t know what music I even like, it was like made up reasons. I didn’t react at the time. For all those months since February those words have bothered me because I don’t know the real reason why he doesn’t want a proper relationship with me. I’m sure he finds me physically attractive. Sarah this is a hard hard situation to be in because I like sex with him so much but I don’t want it to be just that. That so isn’t who I am. I value myself and I like myself but my actions say something different. I had no idea how very strong emotional attachment is and fear to let go. I truly am in not a place I want to be I want more from this. What on earth do I do? Do you believe that these situations can ever become more if so how?

~Wanting More

Well – my heart really goes out to you, and I can certainly see why you are in so much emotional pain. And maybe what I am going to say to you is not going to help that very much in the present tense, but I believe it WILL help you to be a stronger, more independent and vibrant woman in the long run. And much like Christian Carter, I do not believe in pulling punches. I talk straight.

You see, I read what you have written and here is my immediate take. He is using you for sex, plain and simple.

One of the things that Christian Carter talks about in his Inside the Mind of a Man program is that men and women ARE fundamentally different – yet, there are more things that make men and women the SAME than things that make them different. Are you following me so far? It’s kind of like Chimpanzees and people – there are a few things that set us drastically apart – yet, people and chimps are more closely related than most people know, only a few sets of genes different, actually.

So if you look at your situation, and try to put yourself inside his mind – what are you going to find? First of all, that an attractive woman was open to your advances, granted you sexual access to herself, allowed you to come and go as you please and did not seem to perturbed when you lay down (what were, in your mind more than likely) many hints that this was just a sexual fling.

He has obviously experienced infidelity; he has come from a long term relationship and is probably not ready, by any means, to sink his heart and soul into another relationship where he can risk getting hurt again in the same magnitude as his previous relationship.

You asked me, though, if things were hopeless. No, I don’t believe so. However, you probably have a long row to hoe with this man and are going to have to withdraw yourself from him in order to make him want you in more than a purely sexual sense.

Attraction and need, according to Christian Carter, are products of implied scarcity. You have to be able to show him that you are in demand and going out with other people (and don’t just pretend, you need to DO this!). You also need to quit your physical relationship with him, and tell him that he can no longer have that without giving YOU what YOU want – and if he is ok with that, then be strong enough to let him go. Do not give in and think that you can make him want you with sex. Men do not attach the same connotation to sex as women do, Christian Carter says, in his Inside the Mind of a Man program.

So, to recap – be strong and understand things from his point of view here – he is getting what he wants from you for FREE. You need to put a stop to it and put more value upon yourself by denying him his freebies and by applying yourself to people who WILL give you what you want.

And, like Christian Carter says, best of luck in life and love to you. You will find what you need.

Love,

Sarah

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