Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Christian Carter on How to Spot A Player

Players. Pick Up Artists. General jerks and jackasses. Christian Carter, in Catch Him and Keep Him, addresses these ego-driven doorknobs, telling women how to spot them and how to deal with them if you find yourself unfortunate enough to get caught up with one. I also get a lot of questions about players – and non-players – especially questions about how to spot either kind of man. Read on for a question from a subscriber….

Dear Sarah –

My question would be I keep getting approached by men with no cars, no jobs or liars. I want to share my home with a man who doesn't do drugs, has a job and a car and like to do sports and I'd like to date. All the men I know claim they can't afford to date and I never get to date unless it's a freebie or family party. No concerts or movies. What can I do to change my life where I can get dates and find a man that I'm evenly yoked with and not who feels he's getting a good deal from a 'good woman'. I want to be the good woman who is getting the props she deserves from the men in her life not just men who turn to hating women as soon as they don't get what they want or are narcissists. Finally, I want to forget about my broken heart from an imaginary 7 year relationship. I don't know why I'm not healed a year later! I look forward to your help. Thank you!

~Tired of the Games

Dear Tired –

I feel your pain! On of the most common dating advice questions I get is either how to spot a player or how to find a good guy – which seem to actually go hand in hand. In order to find a good guy, according to Christian Carter – you need to know how to spot a player! It’s like finding the right fruit in the produce isle – you have to know how to tell the rotten tomatoes from the good tomatoes – by knowing what to look for in the firmness, the skin, the color, the scent – but you will never really know if you have that perfect tomato until you have bitten in – and by that time, you can’t return it.

In other words – what I am saying is that the best way to learn to spot Mr. Right – is to learn to spot Mr. Wrong first.

So, let’s go over a few types of players and how to spot them. If you want to read up on this more extensively, check out Christian Carter’s eBook, Catch Him and Keep Him, pages 59 and on.

Christian Carter writes….

How To Spot A Player… And How To Handle One If You Have To

Let’s dig a little deeper into the male mind. Have you ever been swept off your feet by a man that you just met, only to learn days or weeks later that he wasn’t as interested in being with you as you were led to believe?

Some men view picking up women as a sort of game. (Awful, but true.) They brag about their success with women with each other. Some even have pick-up lines, routines, gags, tricks, and attitudes they use in order to take on a persona they believe will be more attractive to women. Maybe you’ve overheard some men discussing these “pick-up” techniques with each other.

If you’re friends with any “Players,” or if you’ve ever had the unfortunate experience of trying to date a hopeless Player, then you know what I’m talking about.

Christian Carter continues, in his Catch Him and Keep Him eBook….

There are three different types of Players…

Type 1) The Ego-Driven Players

These are the guys who need attention from multiple women because it feeds their ego and makes them feel better about themselves. They aren’t necessarily bad guys, just shameless flirts that usually don’t know any better than to live their lives seeking approval and validation from multiple women. They know how to make a deep connection right off the bat. Since some women feel so flattered by this attention, they will tend to share more of their private thoughts and feelings with these kinds of men.

Type 2) The “Social” Players.

These are the guys who make a career out of learning how to pick up women and it becomes their favorite evening past-time. You’ll find them out partying constantly, always going somewhere, always having a woman to call and never spending a weekend evening at home. They tend to congregate with other Players like themselves who are out to meet new women.

Type 3) The “Physical” Players.

These guys are seek a purely physical encounter and don’t have much else on their mind. They’re often the more sensual and artistic types and charm women with their body language and their ability to make a woman comfortable with intimate contact soon after they meet.

A few years ago I (Christian Carter) noticed something FASCINATING about the guys that women think of as “Players.” Ever since I’ve been old enough to go out to the places where men and women meet (bars, clubs, restaurants, museums, parties, etc.) I’ve seen men who are good-looking, attractive, entertaining, powerful, etc. attract women regardless of their ultimate intentions.

These guys represent a certain dilemma for women because of the ATTRACTION women feel for them and what I call the guys’ “RELATIONSHIP POTENTIAL.”

What I’m getting at is that the qualities that attract women to Players are often the same qualities that make Players bad “boyfriend material.” It’s often these men who aren’t caring, generous, patient, polite, considerate, etc. that women end up feeling attracted to and share chemistry with.

Have you ever felt a strong connection with a dominant, powerful, and unavailable man?

The things is, what often makes men intriguing, interesting, and attractive has NOTHING to do with whether they’d make a good mate or partner. In fact, these men are often the exact wrong types to be looking to for a more meaningful relationship with.

But what’s worse, the men who are actually the ones ready and waiting for a relationship with a woman in their life aren’t often as skilled or experienced at creating a connection with a woman, so women often aren’t attracted to them.

As luck would have it, women are equipped with all kinds of intuitive ability to read through a man’s behavior and to see the good from the bad. Most women can quickly pick up on whether someone is being genuine or not. But not always…

Some men are experts at getting involved and creating an intense attraction, even though they have little or no interest in something like a relationship. So let me give you a clear guideline here when meeting men…

Most men are capable of experiencing a “connection” with a woman through simple physical attraction. In fact, in some men’s mind, the attraction IS the connection they have with the woman. But not many men are ready for the “emotional” aspects of the “connection” or a relationship that can follow. And the men who want to attract you with techniques and planned behavior are generally the men that women SHOULD avoid.

Why?

Well, on one level it means that if he’s someone who’s out there using techniques and tricks to pick up women—he’s a “player.”

Here’s the inside dirt on players. Men who are into picking up women do it because the challenge of picking up a woman validates their intense need to feel important, powerful, and attractive. They don’t have the personal skills to feel these things from within, so they constantly seek outside validation to feel good about themselves. They are NOT looking to settle down, they don’t care about the woman they’re with, and they don’t want a relationship with any woman no matter how cool or beautiful she is. The excitement of the search for women, the challenge of picking up new women, and the instant gratification these men get is all they’re after.

Christian Carter continues....

Don’t ever think that a player’s mentality has anything to do with who you are or how you look. You won’t EVER be able to change or tame a guy like this because it’s all about him. For players, they only want women in their lives to fulfill their physical desires and to validate their ego. They can’t even consider the fulfillment they could get from a relationship because emotional fulfillment isn’t part of their personal values.

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