Christian Carter's Question May Really Piss You Off

Dating advice and relationship questions are why I am here – I have studied the works of Christian Carter, Rori Raye, Emily McKay and many others in order to help YOU figure out your relationship and dating problems. I firmly believe, though, that EVERYONE can benefit from another’s problems – and the answers to those problems.

I would like to share with you this letter I got from a very troubled young lady. This is what she wrote to me:

Dear Sarah -

I am dating a guy who isn’t perfect and I accept him that way but he like points out every imperfections of mine always. I know I really love him and very happy in his company, and each time I try to get to know him better he just lies to me. I am 22 and I really don’t know how old he is BECAUSE he has told me 3 different ages like 26,23,and 25 I mean I tell him all about me we are so close yet apart because I don’t know his family or background he has refused to tell his people about me let alone introduce us. When I told him I was going to tell my parents about him he got hysterical and said I should wait for about 3 years more before I do. At first we talked about marriage and all when we first met. But now it seems everything I do pisses him off, and sometimes he gets abusive. He complains about the way I do things, blames me for anything that goes wrong even if am I and he is sure he had a hand in it I find this hard to understand he is so difficult and now he has made me come to think I am really at fault at least when we talk, he just wouldn’t admit to it. he speaks angrily to me, he had my pictures on his pc before he went to see his family but deleted it all when he got there, speaks hurtful words to me we can’t talk things out without him getting aggressive when I try to tell him he is hurting my feelings, doesn’t care how I feel, stops me talking to any male because he has trust issues. I don’t know if it’s because I live with him or I see him every minute or because he knows I love him so much and he is taking me for granted. I don’t know what to do I feel sad and have sleepless nights I think I need quick help before I go crazy just thinking. well at first I thought I was being too curious or clingy but now I don’t ask him questions what so ever and it’s still the same and even worse what do you think I should do he has asked for break up a couple of times but stops after some talks and reassurances from me.

Troubled –
Miss D

This is my answer to this young lady.

Dear Miss D –

I have read your letter over several times now, and I would like to read it BACK to you, in sort of a short-hand form. Sometimes, situations are not clear to us, as we are in the middle of them, kind of like the old saying “You cannot see the forest for the trees”. Or – as Dr. Phil and Christan Carter have been known to say, “How’s that workin’ out for ya?”

Ok, so your boyfriend is….
-A liar (he won’t tell you his real age, his family, his background, his friends, etc)
-Abusive (physical, emotional, verbal, it does not matter. Abuse is abuse.)
-Blaming (i.e. – too immature to take his own part in fault that may be his, too egotistical to admit wrongdoing, judgmental and narrow-minded?)
-Has tried to break up with you already

Ok – honey. I know you say you love this guy – BUT WHY? I see no mention of redeeming qualities here, which says to me that this is just base attraction – not real love. In other words, according to Christian Carter, its infatuation, not love. Attraction can come on many levels, and while Christian Carter says that attraction is not a choice – and I believe he is 100% right – you DO have the choice as t what you do with that.

Let me tell you in no uncertain terms – WALK AWAY NOW. Leave this BOY that you are trailing after like a lost puppy and find yourself a competent, responsible MAN who will treat you with the dignity and respect that you deserve. (In fact, go read Christian Carter’s Catch Him and Keep him eBook, page 55, about the dangers of chemistry. )

Now – let me ask you the toughest question of them all. this question, inspired by Christian Carter's eBook, may really piss you off, but keep reading.

Is it the drama you like?

There had to be some kind of alarm bells going off in your head as you were writing that letter to me. Everything you listed about this BOY is bad – so it begs the question – is it the drama that you like about him? Do you like having trouble in your life? Does it excite you? You may think these are mean questions – and I do not intend them to be. What I DO intend, tough, is for you to take a very close look at WHY you are with this child – because that is what he is. If it’s the “Bad Boy” charisma, as Christian carter calls it, that you like, then you need to learn the difference between a real man and a boy who is pretending to be a man.

A real man can be dashing, take charge, powerful and charismatic. But what he will NOT do is lie to you, hide you, push you away and blame you for the wrongs in his life. A REAL man will bring you to his side as a partner and confidant; he will uplift you, help you, laugh with you, hear your fears and your triumphs, and generally be your PARTNER in life. He WILL excite you and make you feel that rush you may be craving from your bad boy, but he will NOT leave you feeling empty, used and bewildered.

Do you see what I am saying?

Now, one final thought to leave you with – and it is taken from Christian Carter’s Catch Him and Keep Him eBook on page 149. “No single person can ever give you exactly what you want emotionally.”

ONLY YOU can do this for yourself. So maybe it’s time you started questing inward for the love you need before you try to find that “wholeness” from another source that leaves you less than fulfilled.